Deep in the (mostly tame landscape) I : Herbert J. Jonathan Archibald Fitzgerald Dewitt III Esquire, famous explorer extroidinarre! armed only with a camera, and my wits: DE WITTS, am traversing this dangerous and wild wilderness, in search of a beast. A beast too gruesomely hideous for even a mother to love! A beast so murderous Jason Vorhees- no, Jason Vorhhes and Jack The Ripper combined are both to shame. A beast with a roar so foul Evanescence would be- SQUIRREL!
...Evanescence would be out of a job.
I am of course talking about the legendary Chimeracorn- Half Chimera(Which is half lion, half goat, half snake), half Manticore (Half Scorpion, Half Lion) THATS 2 HALFS LION NOW, and half unicorn (Half Horse Half Narwhal). Thats a mighty total of 6 halfs! Anything with that many halfs is truly a force to be reconed with! Most people tell me "Herbert, why don't you get a real job? that creature does'nt exist" And I tell them! No! Chimeracorns do exist! They have a very elaborate backstory, ill have you know. "No please don not have me know," and I would reply, alright I won't let you know, and begin to be consumed by bitterness.
Now the legend of the Chimeracorn is an epic of the ages! Out in the wilderness of the new world I Herbert J.Jonathan Fitzgerald Dewitt III esquire, was out on on an expedition that had been Ill have you know VERY SUCCESSFUL. During the night I heard a strange sound, and there stood/flopping outside of my tent was the beast itself! The Chimeracorn! It destroyed all of my research, and tore all my clothes and ate all my food! Thats why I returned home empty handed, butt naked, and screaming like a lunatic! obvoiusly It wasnt because I Accidently set my tent on fire, and obvously not as a cover up for my lack of ground in the explorers inner circles, oh no!It was the beast i tell you!
And so I went back into the wilderness, to have my revenge! I would record the beast and bring it home, dead or alive. Now now I understand that there has never been footage of the beast, and seemingly only i know it exists, but you must trust me, it is real! Evidense? Evidense smevidense who needs evidense? here i am recording some more animals...not the Chimeracorn, not inportant. And here yes, a (thing of the thing variety) and...wait WHAT IS THAT?! (xfiles music) is that the...no just a tree. (talk about more animals and slowly drown out.) and yes i am sad to announce i never caught footage of the beast, but thats not proof that there is no Chimeracorn, it just means it was very..sneaky yes. Come on belive me, who needs evidense just belive my words! The yeti, and bigfoot are real, and is there any evidense? nooooo? Well i tell you they exist, so just listen and belive.
Wait what is that? (animal sound) what????!!! its...its horrible! 2 halfs lion, 1 half scorpion, 1 half horse and half narwhal! What it actually exists!/ i mean of course it does! No let me go, no dont eat me, no, help me gaaahahahahahahhahhhhhh
DED
Myth Hunters; Bonza Bottler Day edition! Last time on Myth Hunters Walking (fart)
"Whoa did you hear that? Definitely Paranormal Activity!"
"Nope, sorry that was me"
This episode we learn the story of great fabled adventurer nobody has ever heard of and we doubt he actually existed "Herbert J. Jonathan Archibald Fitzgerald Dewitt III Esquire, famous explorer extraordinaire" and his mysterious disappearance. Born in 1896 in Flat Bottom, Looondooon. Date of death unknown. His parents were highly regarded in the scientific circles, and in their pass time enjoyed giving out shock therapy. As a child Herbert had explorer blood... in his blood, and after following in his parents footsteps left one morning in his dingy, waving his goodbyes to a large crowd of 2 people. Leaving for the new world, he said "I am leaving for the new world, goodbye." And he left. But what he found when he got there...will change history, forever. This is his story.
"Uh, is this on? Oh yes, jolly good, tallyho, cheese grommet"
"Deep in this unforgiving wilderness, I Herbert J. Jonathan Archibald Fitzgerald Dewitt III Esquire, famous explorer extraordinaire, armed only my camera, my moustache, and my Dewitts, i am tracking the greatest game of all...Adventure. I have not found it yet, I'll let you know when I do.
We then learnt from historical documents that Herbert returned home after the long 5 hours of his voyage.The footage is damaged but we presume Years pass and we find him again in the new world. His transformation is disturbing...we advise our viewers the following images are highly disturbing.
"I have been tracking the beast for months now. "
"What beast?" (mimic in bold)
"Well I am glad you asked tree. I am of course talking about the...Chimeracorn" (lightning)
"What's that?"
"...Half Chimera (Which is half lion, half goat, half snake), half Manticore (Half Scorpion, Half Lion) THAT'S 2 HALVES LION NOW, and half unicorn (Half Horse Half Narwhal). That's a mighty total of 1 2 3 4 5 6-6 halves! Anything with that many that many halves is truly a force to be reckoned with! "
"Herbert, why don't you get a real job? No such thing exists."
"No! Chimeracorns do exist! They have a very elaborate back story I'll have you know"
"No, please do not let me know"
"Tough! I'm telling you anyway!"
"During the night of my first day in the new world, I heard a noise outside of my tent. I bravely opened the tent up and I saw ... IT. There it stood...and flopped : The Chimeracorn. Using it's fire breath it brought my tent, and myself ablaze! "
"Uh huh"
"It burned my countless pieces of evidence supporting my countless discoveries! I then engaged in an epic battle against the setting sun and then after a good ol' one two the beast fled, tail and fin between it's legs! I returned home, although...in not quite as suitable attire"
"You ran home butt naked, along a beach of hundreds of people, drooling and screaming like a billy goat! You were a disgrace!"
"I was very brave! And awesome! And very well dressed considering the epic battle and the blaze!
I returned home and told the people of the beast! I learnt of the beast's history. Long ago the Goat god Thod fought with the other gods. He thought humans were a gross abomination and after eating his family, defecated on the earth. Then born from the boiling magmas of the earth a beast was born. This beast then met man, and man worshipped him. The worlds greatest civilisation was born. Thousands of years pass and then there was a great war. The Egiptian Pharow belived that the beast would grnt her immortality and control over the mortals and so she captured the beast. The beast was then eaten. Then years later the pharow grew ill and suddenly transformed into the beast and killed ev-
"Alright, Alright, I get the picture"
And I was very calm and not yelling like a madman at all. It was very well received! Everyone believed me!"
"You mean-"
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID!"
"I then left again, and vowed never to return until I brought the beast back dead, or alive!"
"But the Chim-thing it d-"
It does exist! There's no recorded footage, or anybody who has been said to see it and tell the tale, but who needs evidence?
"I do-"
SHUT UP! LISTEN AND BELIEVE! IT EXISTS BECAUSE I TELL YOU IT EXISTS! Oh wait, is that it? Did you see that? (oh it was just a tree)
...
"And here I am, living the lie. talking to myself like madman. I guess I better head ho-"
What was that sound? It was outside of my tent, right behind me.
OH MY! WHAT IS THAT?! Half-no-2 halves lion, 1 half goat, 1 half snake, 1 half scorpion, 1 half Horse, 1 half Narwhal!
Ohmygod- IT EXISTS! I WAS JUST LYING AS AN EXCUSE FOR BEING A TERRIBLE EXPLORER! AHHHH GOD NO LET GO. DONT EAT ME! NO THOSE ARE MY LEGS. NOT YOURS! AHHH AHHH GAHHH GAHAHAHHAHAH
...................................................................................................................................................................
And that was the last the world saw of Herbert J. Jonathan Archibald Fitzgerald Dewitt III Esquire, famous explorer extraordinaire.
Next week on Myth Hunters
"Is that a turtle?"
"NO THAT'S A FUCKING DRAGON" (Roar)
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